New Jersey (A Rant)

My impression of New Jersey is probably the same as many of the rest of yours...it sucks. Nobody ever seems to have good things to say about Jersey. Nobody ever visits Jersey (I don't think) and does anybody really know why it's called the "Garden State"? I mean, it was green and seemingly garden-y in the movie of the same name, but I didn't see an abundance ot vegetables growing along the road or anything.

Let me bring you up to speed here. The reason I'm in New Jersey is for work. Of course it's for work. When I went to AAA to get some planning materials, I was surprised they even had a Tour Book for New Jersey. It's paired with Pennsylvania thankfully, so it has some saving grace. I thought to myself, they must put the new guys at AAA on New Jersey. When you're in your first year at the company updating and editing the Tour Books, it must take a lot to screw up a state no one probably visits.

But I digress... (this saying is starting to become overused, by the way). On to the rant.

I really was going to give New Jersey a clean slate and clear my preconceived ideas about what to expect. Just like any other state I visit.

I had two appointments today. One in Livingston and one in Iselin. For those of you not familiar with New Jersey, both places are near Newark which is near Manhattan which is probably considered part of the greater New York City Metropolitan area, but I can't be certain.

Okay, so I got both of my appointments taken care of, but that's not what this blog is about. This blog is about why I've decided to join the club of people who don't care for the Garden State.

Reason #1: Tollroads

We left Manhattan this morning (future blogs will discuss this) and had to drive through the Lincoln Tunnel to the New Jersey Turnpike. I love turnpikes! Well, I don't really know what makes a turnpike a turnpike, but it seems to involve tolls in my experience. So no, I guess I don't like turnpikes. I like the option to use tolls like I have in LA. The toll roads are available, and when you want to use them, are often free of a lot of traffic. In NJ, you must use them, and you must pay to use them. Thanks for the option!

Reason #2: Parkways

According to Wikipedia, the authority on everything for the Gen-Y-ers, a parkway is defined as "A broad landscaped thoroughfare; especially : one from which trucks and other heavy vehicles are excluded." This sounds pretty straight-forward. I guess New Jersey didn't get the memo on parkways. I first realized their definition, when I tried to make a left turn off of Hwy 1, aka something something Parkway. No left turns. I thought I'd try the next light. No left turns. And the next light, no left turns. This happened to me on multiple occasions today. Then I would see a sign on my right that says "exit here for all turns." Apparently, you have to exit on the right to turn left. Sure enough, it's true. It's quite the fustercluck. And yes, it's retarded.

I spent so much time and gas taking detours and rerouting all over the place because of these stupid parkways that it worked me into probably the most anger I've had in a long, long time.

To give an example of how these things work, if you want to go to a restaurant on the left side of the road, you have to exit on the on the right side sometime before or after it, then make a left turn to get to the stoplight that crosses the intersection of the parkway. There is no bridge over it the road or anything, there is a stoplight. So why not just add a left turn lane? I wish I could describe and/or show the best/worst example of how messed up this is. I saw it today at 5:30. It was the stupidst thing I've ever seen.

If I sound like I'm repeating myself, it's because I need to vent.

I hate parkways. They don't make sense to me. They seem to defeat the very purpose they are trying to achieve.

Reason #3: Full Service Gas Stations

Yes, that's right, we've stepped back in time here in NJ. I go to the first gas station to fill-er-up. I see a little booth next to some of the pumps and as I pull up, a guy starts to walk out. I glance at the sign out front, "Full Service." I take off. I decide to go to another gas station. Pull in. Same thing.

"This is weird," I think to myself. I decided to try one more, same thing. I passed another couple. Same. At this point I'm thinking someone is playing a joke on me. I don't need or want someone to pump my gas. I finally determine that it must be the law in NJ that you cannot pump your own gas.

I also decide that there is no way I'm tipping someone to gas me up. I figured no one else would either, being gas is the price it is. Come to find out, again via Wikipedia, it is in fact law in NJ that there is no self-service. That's right. You cannot buy gasoline in New Jersey and fill it up yourself. What is this, the 1940s? I thought I was Marty McFly in 1955 on "Back to the Future."

Here are some hilarious (to me) quote I found in a newsstory from 2006 that I don't feel like citing:

"I'm not against a lot of things, but I don't want to pump my own gas. It's part of the Jersey identity. It's our thing," said Rose Maurice, who operates a tourism office at a turnpike rest stop.

Then there's the issue of safety. About 8.7 million residents live in the state and many of them, including more than one million senior citizens, have little experience in pumping gas. Assemblyman Francis L. Bodine (R) said this is one reason he's opposed to the idea. Plus, "If I'm dressed up, I don’t want to get out and smell like a gas pump," said Bodine.

Eight hours of training is required of gas station attendants, Dressler said. Among their responsibilities are knowing which type of containers cannot store gasoline, such as glass. "It's a dangerous product and they are trained in the correct procedures," he said.

Are you kidding me?

So that's it. By the time all this was over I wanted to punch something and scream really loudly. I just ended up having a case of some road rage as well as taking my anger out on the lady at Dunkin Donuts. I want the Berry Iced Coffee. Do I want sugar and cream in that? I don't know. I want it how it looks in the picture. Blah blah, can't understand your accent blah blah. Who asks is they want cream and sugar in their iced coffee? Starbucks and the Coffee Bean never ask me that.

Okay, that's the end of my rant. New Jersey sucks a big fatty.