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Listen Here, Mr. Attorney, Esquire

Part of our job as auditors is that we must receive legal confirmation letters from any attorneys involved in pending or threatened litigation affecting our audit clients. We must receive this letter before we can issue our opinion on the financial statements.

Usually this letter is sufficient. But due to blah blah, it’s been two months since we received said letters, and we need another update before we issue.

We don’t have the time to send out our request again and wait for the mail, so this means making phone calls. No, this means me making phone calls.

It’s pretty cool, though, kind of, because I’m calling to speak to these attorneys directly and the secretary can’t help me. They think they can at first, but it always ends in, “oh, I’ll put you right through.” How often do you get a direct line to an attorney? Normally they wouldn’t give you the time of day.

So I will admit there’s a little bit of a power trip in that. But, that’s not the point.

I talked to one attorney today who told me he couldn’t give out that information over the phone. (Keep in mind, we have a written request signed by the client saying that the attorney can speak to us about litigation, thus no breach the client-attorney privilege is happening). I say to the guy, “That’s interesting because I’ve talked to six other attorneys today and they’ve all spoken freely.”

“Oh, well, uh, our firm has 600 attorneys and there’s a good chance there were others who are working for this client. I’d need a formal request either by email or fax so I have time to corroborate any information.”

That’s fine. I PDF’d him a copy of the original letter we sent to him, as well as his original response, and told him to update it to reflect any changes. Two hours later, I had it. We’re good. Our partner can now go to the client’s board meeting tomorrow and tell them we’re good to go.

So that’s two days in a row where I haven’t let someone get away with b.s. (see previous post). In the past, I think I would have just gone along with it, but I knew this guy was just blowing smoke up my proverbial butt. Busted.

Nice Try, My. EZ Lube

As many of you know, I had Mable’s entire radiator replaced last month. She’s been running pretty great every since.

Today I went to get my oil changed at some 15 minute place because it’s close to work and I have a coupon. When I went to pick it up, the fella working there tries to tell me I need my radiator flushed. Ha!

I told him, “funny, I just had the radiator replaced a month ago.”

“A year ago?” he says.

“No, like, 4 weeks ago.”

“Oh well, uh, I used to work at a radiator place, and when they replace them they don’t put in the proper mix of coolant and water; it’s mostly water.”

“Okay, sure, I’ll have that checked out?”

Idiot. No. In fact, I looked at my coolant later this afternoon. It’s full. Completely fine. And as green as Ecto Cooler®.

***Remember, this post is also available on my newly redesigned website, coming soon to brenthellickson.com. Bookmark it here.

Overhaul (New Website!)

I've decided to finally give iWeb a go. It's an application on the Mac as a part of iLife '08 and it's pretty ridiculous. I created a whole website in about an hour. You can't beat that.

As of now, when you come here, it won't automatically come up. I need to have Pat, my webmaster, find my password to the server so I can change the path brenthellickson.com directs to, blah blah blah.

So, until then, I will keep updating this page, otherwise, if you'd like, you can bookmark http://web.mac.com/bhellickson because that will be updated to. Once I get access to the server, that's the URL that it will be redirecting to, anyways. So do whatever you like.

Like I said, what's up there now took me all of an hour. I intend on importing all of my blog posts from the last 8 years or so and also add all my flickr photo galleries. I haven't decided if I'll use the "my album" type gallery or iPhoto's "web gallery," but I don't need to decide that now.

I hope you all enjoy the new website. It's going to offer me a lot more functionality to make it my own. The one and only drawback is that I can't update it away from home with my work laptop (unless I bring my Macbook, too), but y'all will survive. I think the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks.

I'm Partying With the United Nations

Well, that may be a stretch.

I got an email today from a gal who works for the U.S. Mission (Embassy) at the U.N. in Geneva, Switzerland. She wants to use a photo I took of the Alamo for a poster featuring some of the most beloved U.S. landmarks that is going to be given to U.N. diplomats at a July 4th party.

What? Yeah, I know.

So of course I said yes, just give me credit and send me a few copies of the poster. I don't receive any money for it, of course, but I don't care. This marks the 5th picture of mine that's been used for something or another. It's kind of cool that flickr has offered me that kind of exposure (pun). Sure, it'd be cool to make money off of it, but it's pretty neat just to have my photography validated in a way.

I'll take a picture of the poster once I get it so y'all can see. I'm hoping she sends me a copy with a bunch of diplomat guys signatures. How cool would that be?!? Well, it wouldn't be that cool, because I wouldn't know any of them. I should get her to send me a picture of the display they have up at the party though, with some "dips" (I call them dips) in it. That would be pretty cool. Yeah, I think I'll do that.

Lunch With the Dead

I don't really talk about dark topics on my blog, so this will be a first.

I bring a sandwich for lunch every day in an attempt to not spend money eating out all week. Well, I don't really want to sit at my desk or in the break room and eat. It's depressing. I want to get out of the office for an hour and just chill.

I used to go home for lunch every day but that was before I moved further away. I miss that. This past winter, I'd drive to the Target near the office and just park there, roll down the windows, and read. Well, now it's too hot in the direct sunlight. I decided I should maybe find a park with a picnic table in the shade. That would ideal.

I Googled for some parks around the office. The closest one is tiny and has no picnic tables. The next closest one is bigger, but is wide open with hardly any trees. I kept on driving around and stumbled upon what seemed like a real find. It had big gates, a clubhouse, and looked really wide open. They call it "El Toro Memorial Park." Well, little did I realize until I drove in that "Memorial Park" is a nicer way to say "cemetery."

There wasn't anywhere to turn around once I entered this memorial park, so I just kept driving. Then I saw it. A tree! A place to park my car in the shade! I thought, ya know, it's not so bad to just sit here for today and eat my lunch. I won't bother anyone, and nobody will certainly bother me.

It was nice. Pleasant. Quiet. Pretty. I felt so good when I went back to the office. It was such a nice break.

Today I went back. My spot was available again. I think it's going to become a regular thing. Is that creepy? I don't know. If a loved one was buried there, I'm sure it would be okay. So what's the big deal? I got a little crap for it back at the office. I probably didn't need to tell anyone, but I thought it was kind of funny, plus I probably like the attention.

Besides, it's better than sitting at my desk for an hour I don't need to be. I'm using this hour to listen or read to motivational/encouraging/inspiring material and eat my sandwich. It's time in my day to improve on myself and get motivated for the rest of the day.

I'm not going to stop going...as long as the residents of El Toro Memorial Park will have me. I have a feeling they won't have too much to say about it.

My Fiscal Year (FYE 6/3/08)

The title of this blog is pretty geeky and accountant-y, I'll be the first to admit. But hey, it's fitting.

I've decided that it's more appropriate for me, at this time in my life, to mark my year end not at December 31, but now.

Last Monday marked the one year anniversary of my time at Almich & Associates (I'm one of the associates...for now). It also marks the little over a year anniversary of me moving to California. It's no surprise the last year is pretty much a blur. I guess that's how life is once you finish school. Kinda sad now that I think about it.

A lot has happened to me in the last 12-13 months. It really started when I graduated from the University of Texas at San Antonio last May. After that my Dad accompanied me out West pulling a U-Haul (Go Mable!) through the desert to my sisters place in Las Vegas. I stopped there for a couple of weeks while I did my apartment search in Orange County. It was the first time I'd lived by myself. And I had no furniture to furnish my apartment (still don't!). I really look fondly upon that time, and it seems like just yesterday -- still so vivid in my mind. But anyways...

Looking back, I know I made the right decision in taking this job, and making this move. I accomplished more in the last fiscal year than I could have even imagined. I've traveled to places I've wanted to go my entire life (for free!), multiple times, with more to come. I've learned a ton. I've talked to CFOs, CEOs, and Controllers and been in the position of power. Weird. They probably think I'm some young punk or something, but I get the respect, baby! It's still kind of hard to be assertive with these types, though. I need to keep working on that.

Come to think of it, I could have probably met more goals this past year, but I think to have made it as far as I did is quite an accomplishment.

I moved across the country for the second time in two years, again, not knowing a soul. I'm very proud of myself for doing that and making a living and not getting homesick and scared. It's not always easy, but my family is a wonderful support, and I guess I'm just wired for it. It just confirms to me that I'm following the right path.

I survived the 2007 California Wildfires in my fiscal year.

Now, on to the fiscal year ending in June 2009.

I have even higher expectations for the next 12 months. It blows my mind thinking about where I could be this time next year. The biggest change will be the end of this month when I move to Orange, Calif. with my buddy Don. It's kind of weird; when I started at the firm I had an inclination that we would hit it off. At first I sort of joked that he needs to get rid of his roommate so I could move in. Well, I gave up on that notion after awhile, then after several months, Don brings it up, and now it's happening. I'm looking forward to it. I've never moved in with a friend before. I feel like I've been missing out.

Next up, I have all four parts of the CPA exam scheduled. I take the first part on July 12th and the final part before the end of 2008. I fully intend on having my CPA license before the end of the year. I can't believe that.

Some other things that I plan on doing are:

-put together a rough draft for a book (non-fiction)
-visit the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, Calif. (!!!)
-visit the Richard Nixon Presidential Library in Yorba Linda, Calif. (!!! too!)
-learn to really cook ('Top Chef' inspired me)
-visit Boston again
-make some friends outside of work

Well, now that doesn't seem like as much as I had in my head. All I know is that the next year is shaping up to be better than the last. I'm very much looking forward to it. It'd be nice, too, if I can make some time to meet one of those "California Girls" the Beach Boys hyped so much all of these years.

Thank you to everyone who supports my writing by reading this blog. It keeps me motivated to keep writing. Please keep visiting and feel free to comment or e-mail me. I will definitely appreciate it.

Celebrity Sighting!

Okay, be ready to be disappointed, though, because most of you won't even know who I spotted is.

Brian Posehn.

Who?

I know.

I was walking through the Oakland airport yesterday afternoon, when I saw this tall, balding, lanky beanpole with horn-rimmed glasses. There was no way this was a look-a-like. It was certainly Brian Posehn, comedian, actor, weirdo. I suppose he's best known for the VH1 "I Love The..." series and also "The Sarah Silverman Program" or that guy from "Just Shoot Me."

I did a double-take because, even though he's not real well known, I don't see celebs very often. Well, never, really. But it was definitely him. I mean, he's like 6'7". He looked like every other traveler who just stepped off of a plane, interrupted by their cat-nap. I suppose I could have approached him and said hello, but I don't really think that's cool. Plus, I don't really care about him too much.

So that's it. My celebrity sighting.

Operation: Surprise, Part 5

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Thursday started out with a long drive across eastern Iowa. I had a site visit at an old university in Clinton, IA which has since been sold by the nuns to a venture capitalist group. It was very enjoyable to visit because most of our clients are trade schools, not universities. This place had dorms, athletics, and a real college feel.

The ladies who gave me the tour were your typical small town people: born and raised in Clinton, went to the university in Clinton, and now work at the university in Clinton. They spent much of our tour reminiscing about old college memories. I think they really enjoyed themselves, I know I did. We ended up walking around the campus for over an hour.

After my stop in Clinton, I continued onto the western suburbs of Chicago to see my friends Chris and Erica. I haven’t seen them since Christmas, so it was really nice to visit. I got to Chicago around 5PM, so we had several hours to hang out before I had to continue on to Milwaukee for the night.

Chris took me to some out of the way brewery for some microbrew. It was in an office park of some sort. There was no signage of any kind. It seemed kind of shady…like invitation only or something. I wasn’t so sure about this place. But when we walked in, it was your normal bar & grille. I guess they survive on word of mouth only. It’s called Two Brothers, if you’re interested.

After that we met Chris’ wifey and went for dinner to Giordano’s or something. It’s one of two famous pizza joints in the Chicagoland area, I guess. It was really good.

By about 10:30PM, I needed to get back on the road for the two hour drive to Milwaukee. As soon as I got on the freeway there was construction all the way to the Wisconsin border. It was ridiculous. One of the worst drives I’ve ever been on. I nearly killed myself veering off to the right through construction cones and traffic to exit to the toll plaza that was poorly marked.

When I finally got to Milwaukee, I-94 was closed. A good way to end the night. I ended up having to take a detour, but thankfully my GPS didn’t run me in circles this time.

A Room With a View

I'm home for the weekend between back-to-back weeks in San Francisco. Yeah, I know, this past month I haven't really slept in my own bed much. Hopefully, after next week I'll be home for awhile. Nothing is on the schedule until the end of August, though I'm sure that will change. There's possibility of me going to San Antonio and Connecticut later this summer, yeah!

FYI: After next week, I'll have spent a total of seven weeks in San Francisco since last September. Geesh. That sure increases my odds of being in the "big one." I actually think of that quite often when I'm in compromising positions, such as the shower or on the toilet. What if there's a quake and I get caught with my pants down...literally? I guess if that's the way I'm gonna go there's no stopping it.

These two weeks aren't going to be so bad. We're being put up in the nicest hotel I think I've stayed in yet. The view is amazing. Right in the Financial District overlooking Chinatown, Coit Tower, and the Bay. I cannot and will not complain about that.

For you loyal blog readers, I only have a couple of more parts to post from the "Operation: Surprise" series, then it's on to posts from my Boston/NYC trip two weeks ago. I know, you can hardly wait. I'd like to post pictures here and there in between posts, to mix things up, but I still have tons to go through and it's kind of time consuming, so we'll see.

I have my first part of the CPA exam scheduled for July 12th. I'm studying today. I'm finally starting to get stressed about it. It's going to be more difficult than I thought. It's super hard to make time to study for it, too, with all the traveling I do. But whatever, no excuses. Knowing that by this time next year I could be a licensed CPA is motivation enough.

The view from my room as I walked in Tuesday morning. That's Coit Tower on the top left, and of course the Bay on the other side.



Overlooking Chinatown from the conference room at our client.



Such a comfortable bed.



Scoma's. Among the best seafood on the West Coast (so I've heard).



The view from Scoma's on the Wharf.



The view from my hotel room at night.

I'm Moving...

...for the third time this year.

That's right. I said a couple of weeks ago I was going to have an announcement. Well, that's it. I've been waiting for an opportunity to move in with my friend Don, who also is my boss (!!!), well, sort of. I mean he can tell me what to do, anyways... And the opportunity finally came up.

I've been waiting a long time to be able to be roomies with a good friend; I've never had the chance. His roommate since college moved out this past weekend, and I'm moving in the end of June.

Don already has the joint cleaned up, bought a new fridge, a new sofa set, new silverware, cleared room for me in the cupboards, is going to paint the bathroom and steam the carpets. This is sounding good already.

I broke the news to my current landlords last night that I'm leaving. I think I'll miss living with them, in a way. I won't miss the hustle and bustle of living with a family of five, but I really enjoy spending time with the adults, and I think the feeling is mutual. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything, though. What were my sisters friends have now become mine, and it's good to have "family" closer than Minnesota if I ever need anything.

So there you have it. My rent is only going up by a nominal rate, I'll be about 10 miles further from work, but I'll be closer to Disneyland! Angel Stadium is going to be less than two miles away, I'll also have two malls within a five minutes drive. I think it's going to be good. My address will be on a street named after a fruit, in the city of Orange, in the county of Orange. How do you like that?

Anyways, I just got back from spending a week in Boston, Connecticut, Rhode Island, New York, and New Jersey and now I'm in San Francisco (again) for two weeks. Ayyy. But whoa, this hotel we're put up in is the nicest I think I've ever stayed in. I have a view of Coit Tower as well as the Bay...it's sick. And this bed is amazing with some 300 or something thread count sheets. I could get used to this. I can't wait to go to bed. With this trip I've also finally earned a free flight on Southwest, and I have another one coming on Delta in the next month or so. There are definitely perks to traveling as much as I do.

I have to remember not to take it for granted.

Operation: Surprise, Part 4

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Today was a day of perks. Well, if perks are good-looking women. Why not?

I started the morning off with another case of GPS directions gone bad. The school I was trying to visit apparently moved. I later found out that the street it’s now on is named after the landlord who owns the building I was visiting. And it’s all brand new. Google maps couldn’t even get it right. It brought me to the other side of town. Couldn’t it have just said, “Sorry, I got nothin’” instead of guessing? Bah.

The director of financial aid is who I usually meet with when I’m visiting these schools, but she was new and wasn’t available. That usually means the campus director will meet with me. The campus director in small town Illinois = hottie. Yes, it’s true. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t flirt with her a little. It kind of weirded me out though because she’s gotta be in her 30s and last I checked that was way old. Now that I’m 26 maybe my acceptable age range has expanded. I may have to get used to that.

As a side, I bet half of the people I’ve met this week have said one or both of the following things:

“When I heard the auditor was coming, I was really nervous. How did I do?” and/or,
“You don’t look like an auditor.”

The latter, I take as a compliment.

It is kind of empowering (?) when I walk into these places and check in with the receptionist. “Yeah, I’m here to see so and so big-wig.”

“Who’s your advisor?”

“No. I’m the auditor.”

As I was driving the four hours to my next stop in Des Moines, Iowa, I encountered my most major GPS problem yet. Somehow my position on the map was in the middle of the forest and not on any roads. It couldn’t recalculate my route because it didn’t know what road I was on. I already had a tight schedule to keep and I didn’t really have time to be messing with wrong directions. I ended up back tracking a bit back to a town I just passed so I could ask for directions.

Through it all, I’ve learned that I will always ALWAYS have a map with me at all times. You just can’t replace the ability to pull that thing out when all else fails. It’s always reliable. It also really bugs me that when I’m not using a map, I have no sense of where I am in the city. Sure, it gets me to where I need to go, but I couldn’t tell you at all what parts of St. Louis I was in on Tuesday. No good.

Maps are my friend.

I finally arrived in Des Moines. The women I talked on the phone with on Tuesday to confirm my appointment for Wednesday sounded pretty cute. This is usually hit-and-miss though as lots of people sound good-looking (see: all radio DJs).

So she sounded cute and her name was one of those names that I associate with attractive girls. I actually found myself getting a little nervous to meet this woman when I knew nothing about her. Kind of odd.

I waited in the lobby for _____ and, though she wasn’t quite was I was expecting, she definitely was cute and definitely closer to my age than the last woman I mentioned. I sort of felt a connection with her after our 20 minutes together, but you know, it’s hard to tell. It may have just been me, as usual. And it’s not like anything can come of it, so I dismissed that thought as soon as I thought it. Okay, enough of that.

After my appointment, I stopped to get something to eat on my way to the Iowa State Capitol building downtown. I was the first car at the red light and I was unwrapping my sandwich. The light turned green. I stepped on the gas. Not two seconds later I see some dude in my right side mirror up in arms looking like he’s yelling at me. I guess I almost ran him over? Dude, he must have started walking through the intersection way later than he was supposed to. I know, I still should have seen him and he still has the right of way, but that’s bull. So yes, I’m lucky I didn’t take this guy out and spend the night in jail. Idiot. It probably wasn’t as close as it looked. I hope.

I arrived at the Iowa State Capitol and planned on getting a tour while I was there. The security guard told me that only on the guided tours can you go up in the dome area. Come to find out, the next and last tour of the day is with a bunch of 4th graders. No thank you. Self-guided tour, here I come.

I was only about 10 minutes in when I got a call from the office. An audit I’ve been a part of is trying to be wrapped up this week while I’m gone and apparently I didn’t finish all of my work. In a semi-panic, I left the capitol so I could get to my hotel in case the partner called and I needed my computer. Oh bother. I suppose I am still on the clock even though my work for the day is done.

To cap off the day, I was checking in at the Radisson when the front desk tell me they’ve moved my room because of overbooking. Okay, great. But they bumped me up to the room with the hot tub, fireplace, and two plasma flatscreens. Oh yeah!! Hot tubbin’ it on a Wednesday afternoon. Can’t beat it.

I ended the day by going to a movie I’d already seen but loved so much that I thought “why not end a great day with a great movie?” and I was really craving movie theatre popping corn. After the movie, I hot tubbed it again. Ooooh.

Photos: St. Louis Arch

I went a little nuts with pictures when I visited the Arch in St. Louis a few weeks ago. I've learned that only a handful actually turn out how I want so I just end up taking 30 at a time or something. Here are my favorites:

This was taken from behind the Arch on the Mississippi River. It's a little high this time of year.

New Jersey (A Rant)

My impression of New Jersey is probably the same as many of the rest of yours...it sucks. Nobody ever seems to have good things to say about Jersey. Nobody ever visits Jersey (I don't think) and does anybody really know why it's called the "Garden State"? I mean, it was green and seemingly garden-y in the movie of the same name, but I didn't see an abundance ot vegetables growing along the road or anything.

Let me bring you up to speed here. The reason I'm in New Jersey is for work. Of course it's for work. When I went to AAA to get some planning materials, I was surprised they even had a Tour Book for New Jersey. It's paired with Pennsylvania thankfully, so it has some saving grace. I thought to myself, they must put the new guys at AAA on New Jersey. When you're in your first year at the company updating and editing the Tour Books, it must take a lot to screw up a state no one probably visits.

But I digress... (this saying is starting to become overused, by the way). On to the rant.

I really was going to give New Jersey a clean slate and clear my preconceived ideas about what to expect. Just like any other state I visit.

I had two appointments today. One in Livingston and one in Iselin. For those of you not familiar with New Jersey, both places are near Newark which is near Manhattan which is probably considered part of the greater New York City Metropolitan area, but I can't be certain.

Okay, so I got both of my appointments taken care of, but that's not what this blog is about. This blog is about why I've decided to join the club of people who don't care for the Garden State.

Reason #1: Tollroads

We left Manhattan this morning (future blogs will discuss this) and had to drive through the Lincoln Tunnel to the New Jersey Turnpike. I love turnpikes! Well, I don't really know what makes a turnpike a turnpike, but it seems to involve tolls in my experience. So no, I guess I don't like turnpikes. I like the option to use tolls like I have in LA. The toll roads are available, and when you want to use them, are often free of a lot of traffic. In NJ, you must use them, and you must pay to use them. Thanks for the option!

Reason #2: Parkways

According to Wikipedia, the authority on everything for the Gen-Y-ers, a parkway is defined as "A broad landscaped thoroughfare; especially : one from which trucks and other heavy vehicles are excluded." This sounds pretty straight-forward. I guess New Jersey didn't get the memo on parkways. I first realized their definition, when I tried to make a left turn off of Hwy 1, aka something something Parkway. No left turns. I thought I'd try the next light. No left turns. And the next light, no left turns. This happened to me on multiple occasions today. Then I would see a sign on my right that says "exit here for all turns." Apparently, you have to exit on the right to turn left. Sure enough, it's true. It's quite the fustercluck. And yes, it's retarded.

I spent so much time and gas taking detours and rerouting all over the place because of these stupid parkways that it worked me into probably the most anger I've had in a long, long time.

To give an example of how these things work, if you want to go to a restaurant on the left side of the road, you have to exit on the on the right side sometime before or after it, then make a left turn to get to the stoplight that crosses the intersection of the parkway. There is no bridge over it the road or anything, there is a stoplight. So why not just add a left turn lane? I wish I could describe and/or show the best/worst example of how messed up this is. I saw it today at 5:30. It was the stupidst thing I've ever seen.

If I sound like I'm repeating myself, it's because I need to vent.

I hate parkways. They don't make sense to me. They seem to defeat the very purpose they are trying to achieve.

Reason #3: Full Service Gas Stations

Yes, that's right, we've stepped back in time here in NJ. I go to the first gas station to fill-er-up. I see a little booth next to some of the pumps and as I pull up, a guy starts to walk out. I glance at the sign out front, "Full Service." I take off. I decide to go to another gas station. Pull in. Same thing.

"This is weird," I think to myself. I decided to try one more, same thing. I passed another couple. Same. At this point I'm thinking someone is playing a joke on me. I don't need or want someone to pump my gas. I finally determine that it must be the law in NJ that you cannot pump your own gas.

I also decide that there is no way I'm tipping someone to gas me up. I figured no one else would either, being gas is the price it is. Come to find out, again via Wikipedia, it is in fact law in NJ that there is no self-service. That's right. You cannot buy gasoline in New Jersey and fill it up yourself. What is this, the 1940s? I thought I was Marty McFly in 1955 on "Back to the Future."

Here are some hilarious (to me) quote I found in a newsstory from 2006 that I don't feel like citing:

"I'm not against a lot of things, but I don't want to pump my own gas. It's part of the Jersey identity. It's our thing," said Rose Maurice, who operates a tourism office at a turnpike rest stop.

Then there's the issue of safety. About 8.7 million residents live in the state and many of them, including more than one million senior citizens, have little experience in pumping gas. Assemblyman Francis L. Bodine (R) said this is one reason he's opposed to the idea. Plus, "If I'm dressed up, I don’t want to get out and smell like a gas pump," said Bodine.

Eight hours of training is required of gas station attendants, Dressler said. Among their responsibilities are knowing which type of containers cannot store gasoline, such as glass. "It's a dangerous product and they are trained in the correct procedures," he said.

Are you kidding me?

So that's it. By the time all this was over I wanted to punch something and scream really loudly. I just ended up having a case of some road rage as well as taking my anger out on the lady at Dunkin Donuts. I want the Berry Iced Coffee. Do I want sugar and cream in that? I don't know. I want it how it looks in the picture. Blah blah, can't understand your accent blah blah. Who asks is they want cream and sugar in their iced coffee? Starbucks and the Coffee Bean never ask me that.

Okay, that's the end of my rant. New Jersey sucks a big fatty.

Operation: Surprise, Part 3

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Today was a busy day. I had four schools to visit in the St. Louis area and then had to drive 2+ hours to Quincy, Illinois.

The two things I learned were this:

1) Don’t rely 100% on GPS navigation and,
2) I should have been a chef.

I bought a portable GPS device with precisely this trip in mind. It’s helped immensely… for the most part. I had a 1:30 appointment for which I arrived at 12:55 for. Perfect, I had time to go get some lunch first. My GPS tells me that a Chik-fil-a is close. Great! Well, 30 minutes later and not so great. It put me in some low-income neighborhood at someone’s house. How did I know this was incorrect? I thought GPS was supposed to be so great? Well, not always. -1 for GPS.

As I was on my way to the next site, I encountered a freeway that was closed. Completely. The detour didn’t really help me as I didn’t bring a map and didn’t really know where it was taking me. As I missed my exit on to the freeway, my GPS started freaking. It re-routed and sent me in a new direction. Less than five minutes later I was told to merge on the freeway that I had just passed due to closure the first time! So I realized I was just going to be going in circles unless I told the GPS to “avoid highways.” Okay, then it worked. Geesh.

That brought me to a culinary school, which brings me to the second thing I leaned on today.

I walked in and was greeted almost immediately with kitchen(s). Well, not completely, but the kitchens/classrooms were all completely glass on the hallway side. As the campus director walked me around explaining things to me, I could see in all of the kitchens and observe what was happening. It just looked like such a fun place to go to school. They cook and bake all day and get to taste each others food. Seeing this school coupled with my love of “Top Chef” on Bravo really makes me want to learn how to cook. As a side, I’ve been out of the office so much this year that I’ve only spent around $250 on groceries since the end of January. Whoa.

The best part of the culinary school? The the chef of the “healthy eating” class had just made some fresh berry smoothies and I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Mmm.

In between my third and fourth appointments of the day, I had a little bit of time to kill. I was planning on going to the Transportation Museum, but one of the clients I talked to convinced me to go to nearby St. Charles to see the original state capitol (before Jefferson City) and to also see where Lewis and Clark set off on their expedition to the Pacific.

Yes, it was as boring as it sounds. Did I enjoy myself though? Of course.

St. Charles, Missouri is a small little town situated on the Missouri River. The main street is just a block off of the riverfront park and it definitely has maintained the old timey feel and is completely made of brick. It was pretty rough and uneven, but a site to see, nonetheless. It kind of reminded me of parts of the 405 in Orange County. I make a joke.

I parked by the old train depot and walked down to the river just in time to see one of those little boats like Mickey Mouse captained in the very first cartoon Walt Disney put out. I’m sure you’ve seen it.

I also drove down a gravel road a ways before I realized it wasn’t a road and was more like a path…for pedestrians. Oops.

I headed over to the Lewis and Clark museum. Completely lame. I paid $2.50 to see some diorama and a bunch of taxidermy of local wildlife. But hey, when am I going to get the chance to do that again?

Late afternoon I stopped in Hannibal, Missouri, home of Mark Twain (aka Sam Clemens) and the setting of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. I wasn’t there in time to tour Twain’s boyhood home or see inside Becky Thatcher’s place, but I think I still saw enough. I don’t think I’ve ever read Tom Sawyer so the whole thing didn’t mean a whole lot to me, but I might some day.

I’ve been noticing that the Mississippi River is high in a lot of places this week and Hannibal was no exception. There was some sort of levee in place to stop the rising river from spilling into town. Interestingly enough, water was leaking through the levee I looked at, and it was pretty eerie. As I walked up the embankment, I could see that the river had flooded the riverfront park and further inland, I could make out the top of the railroad tracks peeking through the water. The railroad crossing arms were down, lights were flashing, alarm was ringing, and it didn’t stop. The whole scene was very peculiar.

Beantown

Tomorrow morning at 6:45AM, I'm departing for the east coast. Or, as they say out here, "back east." That's right, y'all, I'm going to Boston.

This will be my third time back east in the last year. My job brought me to Connecticut and New York City this past winter. My job is bringing me that way again. I don't have to work until Tuesday, so I've decided to fly up tomorrow instead of Monday and have a couple of days to sightsee. Being that I've never been to Boston, I'm pretty stoked. Everyone I talk to that's been there says it's wonderful.

The best part is, my Mom is coming with me.

It's for work, but I don't have to be working all day. I really just have 3-4 fifteen minute appointments throughout the day, Tues-Thurs. My travels will bring us throughout Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New York and New Jersey. I can't wait.

I'm going to do my best to keep a travelogue while I'm there. It probably won't get posted to the blog until later. I mean, I still have several more installments in the "Operation: Surprise" series. I liked that title at first, by the way, but now I wish I had gone with something else.

Between that trip and this one, and all the pictures I'll have taken, I should have fresh content on the blog for weeks to come.

Also, I'm going to have a big announcement by the end of this month. It won't affect you in any way. Just me. And no, I'm not changing jobs, winning the lottery, or expecting. I guess it's not really that big of an announcement, either. Just an announcement.

Stay tuned.

New Car? Chew on This...

I just returned from the auto shop. Remember a few posts back when I talked about a coolant problem with Mable? Turns out the computer shorted and wasn't running the fans properly. That led to my radiator pretty much being trashed. I ended up replacing the radiator, hoses, thermostat, and computer to the tune of $1742. How much is labor per hour in Minnesota? Anyone? It's up to $98/hr. here. Silly.

I just ran the numbers on my car since I took it over in 2003. I only have receipts from when I moved to TX, but I'm pretty sure I didn't dump anything major into it before I moved to TX.

So, excluding normal wear and tear items, since these would still be incurred on a new car, this is the run down of my expenses on the car...

April 2006, Alternator, $351
May, 2007, A/C System, $873
May 2008. Cooling System, $1742
Total: $2966

Cost per month since 2003 ($2966 / about 47 months): $63
Cost per month since 2006 ($2966 / 24 mos): $124
Cost per month in since last repair ($1742 / 12 mos): $145

Any way you run the numbers, this car has been doing well. I think I made the right decision in fixing it again. As long as my 12 month average stays below the amount of an average car payment, I am going to keep driving it. That $145 would have to get to nearly $300 and that's not including insurance on a new car (I pay $29/mo right now). I have quite a bit of room to wiggle. I also am going to sock away $100 a month in a car repair fund / new car fund just so I can be prepared.

I'm such an accountant.

Operation: Surprise, Budweiser Tour Photos

The bottling plant. No pictures inside!



They only keep a few here at a time...



Thomas, Duke, and Mark






See the rest of the set here...

Operation: Surprise, Part 2 (The Beginning)

Monday, May 5, 2008, St. Louis, MO

I’m lucky enough to be traveling around the Midwest on site visits again. You may recall me doing this last fall in TN, KY, MO and KS. Good times. Well, turns out they need me for a couple more weeks’ worth of visits this month, also.

I started this morning at 6:45AM flying from Orange County to St. Louis, Missouri. Since my first appointment isn’t until tomorrow, I had the rest of the day to do some sightseeing. Most people who are sent out on these trips spend their evenings in the hotel watching tv. Me? I see it as a chance to see things I may have never went to see on my own and/or may never get the chance to see again.

Since I arrived in St. Louis at 2PM, I had to find a couple of things to do to fill the afternoon. St. Louis = Anheuser-Busch = Budweiser = tour of the plant = free beer!

I penciled the tour in for 3PM, well, after waiting 25 minutes for my luggage and 30 minutes for my rental car, I was running behind schedule. Side note: I reserved a mid-size sedan but was offered an upgrade to a Dodge Caravan since they were out of mid-sized. No. I said no. I’m not tooling around for 1000 miles in a minivan. She ended up getting me a Suzuki XL-7 SUV, one I’ve had before. Not bad. Oh, and she’s all, it’s going to be $0.40 a mile. WHAT? No. I need unlimited. I’m returning the car in MINNEAPOLIS!! That will cost way too much. Well, in the end it’s still going to cost almost $600 for the week. Sick.

Anyways, after the whole rental car rigmarole, I felt like Steve Martin in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, although I didn’t cuss out the Avis lady. For those of you in the know, Steve Martin’s character in said movie was at the airport in St. Louis also (I think?). So anyways…

I arrived at the Anheuser-Busch plant to find free parking. Yes! I walked in and the man-ceptionist said the next tour was in five minutes and handed me a card. I was waiting for him to tell me how much the tour was…but he didn’t. Free tour!!

The tour was pretty awesome. The whole complex sort of reminded me of Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory in English-speaking Germany (you saw the movie…it was obviously in Germany, with no accents. Or maybe it was London? Cause wasn’t Augustus from Germany? Someone needs to confirm this…) All of the buildings were pretty old and similar looking. I was waiting for an Ooompa Loompa to pass by at any moment riding a Clydesdale, hand me a beer and say, “This Bud’s for you.” But, as you can imagine, that didn’t happen.

Some fun facts from the tour are this: they have all these huuuuge monster kegs, but not really kegs, that the beer sits in to do the proprietary “Beechwood Aged” thing. Well, they have 30 some of these things and each one holds the equivalent of 200,000 six-packs. Turns out, you’d have to drink one beer every hour of every day for 127 some years to finish that tank off. Whoa. They wouldn’t let us take pictures in there. Some secret. Did they think I was going to hand them over to Slugworth (see: Willy Wonka)?

I think the whole bottling plant was the most interesting part. They have this machine that fills 1300 bottles per second. I think he said per second. Per minute’s not as impressive. Well, yes it is. So either way, quick. No pictures in there either.

This plant bottles enough beer per day that if you lined them up end-to-end they would stretch from NYC to Miami. I heard so many more fun facts today, but I can’t remember anymore. All of them were impressive.

Obviously, the best part of the tour was the end. The “Hospitality Room.” Each person gets not one, but two free 12 oz. samples. Oh, wow! Freshest Budweiser ever!

The next thing on my list was to visit the Gateway Arch, or, more commonly known as the Arch. And no, not the McDonald’s one. Der. I’ve been to the Arch before when I was 12 or 13 or something, but I don’t remember it much, and I didn’t have a digital camera then, so I had to go back. Unfortunately, I missed the last elevator to the top. Sucks. I’d still like to do that some day. I hear it’s all claustrophobic-y but offers great views.

To end the evening, I headed over to Schlafly Brewery, the only (I think) other brewery in St. Louis. It’s pretty small time but it’s supposed to be good. There weren’t a whole lot of people at the bar, they were mostly in the dining room and outside on the patio. I sort of felt out of place when all of the guys coming and going from the bar knew the barkeep on a first-name basis and vice versa. I ordered my first beer and planned on heading out after that. It was kind of awkward. Well, then things started to be okay for some reason and I decided to just stay and order some food. I got this bison stew and a buffalo burger. Each were awful. The stew was just, something, and the burger was too well done and was falling apart. Nasty.

Well, then people started talking to me. It was actually kind of fun talking to the locals. I decided to try another beer. Then the guy next to me left, but apparently the barkeep overheard us talking and then proceeds to say to me, “so you’re from California? I lived in North Hollywood for five years…” That led to loads of convo. Which led to me finding out he doesn’t even drink, but only serves. Which leads to him saying how amazing the beer is they brew there at Schlafly (which he only tastes). Which leads to him giving me a sample of 4 more beers (on the house!). Which leads to be feeling obligated to drinking them (even the nasty dark stout which I knew would taste like fireplace and definitely did). Which led to me feeling kind of nasty. After all the conversation apparently this guy was my new buddy. He didn’t charge me for the second beer I ordered, he gave me a growler to go at the “regulars price” and each of the three times he thought I was leaving, he shook my hand and told me how nice it was to meet me and wished me safe travels. Nice guy. For some reason we bonded over a short period of time. I felt like Cliff to his Woody (see: Cheers).

Operation: Surprise, Part 1 (The End)

You may have noticed that I haven't blogged for awhile. Or maybe you didn't. Well, have no fear, I've secretly been blogging all week but I haven't been able to post it. Why? Because it would have compromised my mission.

I was in the Midwest all week for work, with the end game of ending up in Minnesota on Friday evening to surprise my Mom for Mother's Day.

During the week, however, I was working. I started in St. Louis then went to Quincy, IL, Des Moines, IA, Clinton, IA, Chicago and Milwaukee. It was a good week. I worked, I played, I enjoyed local brews.

I'm going to start by showing you the end of the week, then as the days go by and I have some time to edit down what I've written (it's long) I will post more.

So here we go. My parents were at a party last night so I was able to hang out with my sisters and their families until they got home. My brother-in-law, Marc, lured them downstairs where I was lounging on the couch.

Roll it!

Under Pressure

I made a promise to myself awhile back that when I moved to California I wouldn't let all the fancy cars and the remarks of others convince me to dump Mable and buy something newer and nicer. I made a promise to myself that I would keep my car until it's not worth fixing. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't have another $300 car payment.

Folks, this past week, I was very close to breaking that promise. I was pretty convinced that I wanted to throw caution to the wind and go buy a fun in the sun type of vehicle -- something that I could really enjoy this summer. Also, something that would be under warranty and not stick me with any outrageous repair bills.

I was planning on test driving a 2008 Jeep Wrangler Rubicon/Sahara/X this weekend. I was planning on, if the dealer would give me the price I wanted, signing a lease for that thing before the end of the month.

Well, I've been stopped in my tracks. A voice of reason by the name of Don reminded me of my promises. He made me realize that there's no need to replace Mable right now. Sure, her coolant tank was bone dry yesterday, by no fault of her own, and sure, her tires don't hold air like they should, and yeah, the muffler is starting to act up a little, and yes, when it's 100 degrees out the a/c has a hard time keeping up, but these are all minor things.

After I had her coolant topped off and washed her clean yesterday, it's like driving a car that just had the middle-aged woman equivalent of getting a Botox injection. She's not hesitating off the line, she's shifting from first to second better and just seems to be running smoother. All because of the coolant. Oops.

Anyways, I'm a little over 6,000 miles away from the 300,000 mile mark, and I fully intend on making it. At this point, the only foreseeable thing I'll need is some brake work, but that's no big deal.

It's tough at times to not get excited about the idea of a new car. I was entertaining choosing among the following cars this week:

Jeep Wrangler
Mini Cooper
Honda Civic
Chevy Malibu
Volkswagen Jetta and a
Nissan Altima

The latter two, I was informed, are chick cars that I wouldn't live down.

I kept thinking how awesome it would be to tool around SoCal with the top down on a Jeep. So much more fun to drive than a convertible, too. But alas, Jeeps are not made to be an every day drive on the freeway type of vehicle. It's noisy as heck in the cabin, overpriced, and unreliable. Oh, and 15 MPG. So what gives? I would lease it for two years, have some fun with it, and get a sensible family car just in time to settle down, accepting the fact that I won't have another fun car until my mid-life crisis.

The more I thought about it, I was intended on buying a car not for myself, but for everyone else. Everyone who says I have all this disposable income and owe it to myself to get a nice car. Well, to those people, you're in debt. You have your nice cars and your $300-400 payment every month, I'll take $0 per month and put that money towards paying off that Visa so that one day, all the credit cards payments I'm making will be non-existent and that $300 car payment will be cake.

Okay, I'm over it.

Los Angeles, I Hardly Know Ye

As I approach a year living in Southern California, I still haven't completely come to grips with the fact that I live in Southern California. I'm trying to think back to when I really felt like I lived in Texas. Maybe I never did. I don't know what it is I was expecting.

It takes me back to my time in Texas, the first day of fall semester. I was going to be a PR major and get my degree as quick as I could. Well, then I went to my first class, which was immediately followed by going to my advisor and switching majors. That, and the reality that I was going to have two solid years until graduation. It felt like another set back in my goal of getting to California. It really felt unattainable.

Those were probably the quickest two years of my life.

I don't know where this is going. I actually started writing this blog with the intention of complaining that I haven't been to L.A. since November and that I should be taking more advantage of such a great city that's right at my fingertips. So lets get back to that. The problem, I suppose, is that there's so much to do in Orange County that going to L.A. isn't really necessary. I should really start getting up there more. I mean, I see myself living in L.A. in the next few years, so it would be nice to further familiarize myself with it. And now that I have myself a GPS deal, it would be a lot less stressful and a lot more fun to just drive around and check out points-of-interest.

Recently, a lot of the problem lies with the fact that work is consuming so much of my time. I can't remember the last Saturday I didn't have to work. Probably not since before Christmas break. I can't even remember the last time I was home by 5:30. My DVR is clogging up. Drives me nuts.

Anyways, I think when work gets a little less hectic, I need to get back to the exploring. I can't really complain too much, though. Why? Well, I'm going to San Francisco again for three days next week. I've been there so much since September, it's starting to feel like my second (third?) home.

Ok, time for bed. I gotta fly tomorrow.

26

Another year. Another birthday with no family. Boo hoo. Poor me.

At least I'll get a free lunch out of it at work (hopefully), and my surrogate family I'm living with is making me dinner tomorrow night. Both good things.

My family did celebrate my birthday for me last night though, by singing and lighting a candle for me. Watch the video of them in Minnesota and me in California (sponsored by Apple):

I'm Trying to Study, Really

So I started studying for the CPA exam about six weeks ago. As predicted, it started out well. I was following the schedule for three straight weeks. No problem. It actually seemed like it may take less effort that I originally thought. Well, then I ended up traveling for a couple of weeks straight, including flying on Sunday and working on Saturdays. The weekend was really the time when I got into the "meat" of the material. Once those were taken from me, it screwed up my structuring.

I only have two lectures/chapters remaining in the Audit portion of the study material. In the meantime, I've been reviewing what I've already covered, just to keep it fresh. I think what's going to happen is that I'll be done with the lectures and have gone through the entire book once, and the state accountancy board still will not have sent me my schedule. They're notoriously slow with this type of thing. I really, really, really must have all four parts of this exam taken and passed by next Christmas, or it will be increasingly difficult to fit in time to study and have this thing wrapped up by the next busy season. Especially since I will have more responsibility by then.

If I can take my first exam by the end of May, I think I'll be in good shape.

Still, I feel like I should be studying more. I've always felt that way, though. All through college.

When people would tell me they studied for 8 hours straight on consecutive days, I just don't understand. I don't think I'm smarter than them or that I don't need to study as much, but at some point, I can only go over the notes so many times in a row.

That being said, I'm a little nervous that me feeling over-prepared will actually leave me underprepared. I guess I won't really know how much studying needs to be done until I get the results from that first exam.

Dress for Success

I’m closing in on a year at the firm and I haven’t really bought much for clothes since I started. Back in May of last year I spent $100-$200 on clothes from Ross (Dress for Less) and Kohls, but since then, I’ve maybe bought a shirt or two.

I had to throw out a dress shirt last week because there was this funky discoloring on the collar that wasn’t coming out. I think I’ve had that shirt since 2000 or something, so I suppose it was time.

I couple of my favorite shirts – ones I wear once a week – are starting to wear out. As in, tiny holes have been developing. At this point they’re still unnoticeable, but notice ability is inevitable.

I think I’ve mentioned before the poor state my belt is in. It’s only gotten worse. Well, you can add my black shoes to the list. My heel has pretty much worn through the lining and is probably going to get worse. Why haven’t I replaced them? Because on the outside they look just fine.

That brings me to the deep thought of the day. Aren’t most of us like my belt and my shoes? Torn up on the inside where no one can see what’s going on, but on the outside, everything appears to be fine? Unlike my belt and shoes, our insides cannot be replaced, only repaired…never as good as new. I'm so deep.

Who Works on Saturday?

I guess I do. Ten hours on Saturday. What gives? Deadlines. That's what.

I've had thoughts of lots of different things I wanted to blog about this past week:

Sunday... Oakland A's game...
Wednesday... was amongst all the Olympic torch protesting in San Francisco...
Thursday... San Francisco Giants game...
Friday... private tour of a million dollar car collection...

It was a good week, too bad work had to get in the way.

I could blog about each individually, but I probably won't. I'm just tired of working and need some time to breathe. Thank goodness I'm going to be working locally in the near future. I need to catch up on sleep, all the tv shows on my DVR, studying for the CPA exam, and more sleep.

Did I mention it was 96 degrees here today? Yeah. The family I'm living with was gone for the afternoon and I wasn't sure if it was okay to turn on the a/c, so I went to Target to chill out, literally, of course.

My head is still spinning over the fact that "Shout to the Lord" was sung on American Idol. Uhhh....makes no sense. And the version that says "Jesus" and stuff in it is on iTunes. It's pretty good.

Just Take Me Home!

Today was one of the longer travel days I've experienced in recent memory. We finished up our audit in Tulsa today by 2:30 and went to the airport to catch our 4:30 flight. Well, that got delayed until 5, which was fine because our connecting flight in Houston would still be good. Problem is, we got out onto the tarmac and hey, guess what? Houston has grounded all flights and won't let any flights coming there take off. So we sit on the runway for an hour and half until we can depart. Connection in Houston? Not looking good.

Once we were finally airborne and to Houston, I had a good feeling we might still make our connection. Why? Well, logic told me that everyone going in and out of Houston was delayed also, so our connection might still be good. We get off the plane and find a Continental representative. She tells us our flight leaves in 12 minutes. Crap! Houston is a huge airport and if it's in another terminal, we're screwed. Sure, we could take the next flight, but the problem is, the Orange County airport will not accept flights that arrive after 11pm because of local noise ordinances. That means we'd be rerouted to LA or San Diego and shuttled to Orange County. Ew.

Anyways, so we have 12 minutes. The gate for our Orange County flight is C12. We just got off the plane at C11. Money. We made it.

I was lucky enough to bill 5 hours for fieldwork and 10.5 for travel today. Woohoo! Now I get to go into the office tomorrow and pack for next week because I leave Sunday morning at 8:30 for San Francisco. So much for a weekend.

Is it summer yet?

Tulsa, Oklahoma: I'm Having a Good Time

The only thing I really know about Tulsa is that it’s where Chandler accidentally took a promotion on a later season of ‘Friends’ and only saw Monica on weekends. Useful info.

We’re heading towards the home stretch at Almich & Associates. We’ve pretty much wrapped up one of the big jobs, one is in the midst of finishing, and I have this week and next week before I’m freed up for awhile. Sure, something else will probably be scheduled, but for now, my first busy season is almost complete. Wasn’t I just home for Christmas? Seems like it.

Nicole and I got to Tulsa late Sunday night. Our rental car was out of stock, so we got upgraded to a Jeep Grand Cherokee with leather interior, satellite radio, and a backup camera!! I’m driving in luxury. It’s making me rethink the whole Toyota Yaris for $10,500 once Mable dies. Of course, I’d never ever buy a Chrysler/Ford/Dodge whatever family Jeep is from, but it sure is nice to have for a week.

Speaking of Mable, she’s being taken care of by my landlord Stephen this week. His car is in the shop and I’m out of town, so it worked out good for both of us. His Honda is having its first major repairs in almost 10 years. He calls it bad luck. I call it being lucky. That’s a long time to go without a big car repair bill. Anyways, his commute to work this week will put Mable into the 293,000 range. We’re almost there!!

As Nicole and I got back from lunch yesterday, we were pulling up to our parking spot. I noticed a car backing out in my peripheral vision. I sort of thought it looked like he was going to back into a car parked perpendicular to his. Sure enough. Slow and soft, but definitely crunched. The owner of the hit vehicle comes running out of the school lobby and is furious. It really wasn’t that bad. Although he couldn’t open his door up all the way because of it. Sucks. It was just interesting to watch the whole thing go down, even without hearing what they were saying. I don’t know why I am telling you this.

Last night we went to the local Indian casino. It was lovely. The buffet was sub par, the air was nasty and the winnings were non-existent. I maxed out at $5. Nicole spotted me another $10, which I proceeded to lose. She ended up winning $300 on penny slots, only after I came over and sat by her. She forgave my $10 gambling debt. Thank goodness. I didn’t want her to send her goons after me to break my knees for not paying her back. I still don’t get the whole fascination with gambling.

Vegas casinos are so much nicer. Duh. But the clientele is also completely different in Vegas compared to the Cherokee Casino. I feel like I fit in more when I’m in say…Planet Hollywood or the Bellagio. This place, not so much. I needed to add 50-75 pounds, grow out my hair (in the back), drink some Pabst Blue Ribbon and smoke whatever the cheapest cigarettes are.

I’m just sayin’.

I Golf. I'm a Golfer.

One of my goals since I decided to be an accountant was to learn to golf. Well folks, I can grab the pencil to cross it off my list (but lets not cross it off quite yet).

I went to the driving range with my landlord, Stephen, last night and it turns out I'm not as bad as either of us thought. The cash register wasn't working, so they let us each take a free bucket of balls. Nice! We had a good time.

I told Don to bring his clubs to work today so that we could go afterwards. Over lunch I picked up a glove; I've found a new hobby.

Tonight I was a little sore, but I was more consistent than last night. I actually did pretty good. Stephen let me borrow his dead neighbors clubs which he acquired. It turns out they belonged to a John R. Fox, at least that's what the tag says. I'm using a dead dudes golf clubs. Creepy, right?

I think Don and I are going to go once more this week because we're both going to be out of town for awhile. Stephen and I will probably go this weekend, too. Hey, I only spent $5 tonight and had an hour of entertainment. You just can't beat that.

Happy Easter!

I know I'm a day early, but the weather is so nice today (bordering on h-o-t) that I just had to say....

Happy Easter!

No. 2 Thief, Part II

Before you read this, read Part I below.

Today I was in one of the accounting clerk's office and he was writing something out for me. The No. 2 Thief came in to ask me a question. She needed to make a note about it on her notepad. She left.

Accounting Clerk is about to continue what he was telling me...

"Where did my pen go? I always seem to be losing them."

"I think D**** [the No. 2 Thief] took it."

"I swear, she's a klepto. She's always taking my pens."

I laughed to myself as I walked away and though, "she struck again!" I took comfort in knowing I wasn't the only victim.

As I was in her office later this morning, I noticed it right there, sitting on her desk, the pencil she stole from me on Monday. While she was going on about something, all I could do is stare at my pencil. I had to let it go though. It's over. Left there in Oakland while I'm back here in Orange County.

Like I said, I'm over it.

No. 2 Thief

The accounting manager at the client Don and I are at this week in Oakland asked to borrow my pencil on Monday morning. She took it with her. I didn't see it the rest of the day.

Tuesday, she's in the room talking to Partner Joe, and Don motions to said accounting manager, then points to his hair and makes a writing gesture.

It's in her hair. My pencil is in her hair.

I don't even want it back now.

Today she comes in our room and starts to write on something with it.

Does she not wonder where she got this pencil from? I usually notice when I'm using a writing instrument that's not mine. And it's not like it's just another yellow pencil; it's a mechanical one. A red one at that.

I'm over it.

Survivor

So remember way back when CBS and Mark Burnett announced the production of "Survivor"? Well, obviously most of you are familiar with the concept of the show now. But back when the first news of this show was released, I genuinely thought it was going to be taken literal. I remember thinking, "wow, so people are really going to risk their lives for $1 million?"

I thought that the winner would be the only one who survives...literally. How messed up is that? Thankfully (?) it's not true, although I don't think it's outside of the real of possibility for a show to exist like that some day. Maybe on Pay Per View or something. If releases are signed waiving liability, what's illegal about it? Certainly something.

Anyways...back to studying.

My First Financial Statements

The main purpose of auditing companies is to express an opinion on their financial statements as to whether they are free of material misstatement and are in conformity with generally accepted accounting principles in the United States of America.

You got that?

I recently had an opportunity to draft my first financial statements. Now normally, as a rookie accountant, you wouldn't get to do this for 2-3 years -- maybe more. But because our firm is short staffed and handling a lot of clients, I got the chance to gain some awesome experience.

The cool part is that we audit post-secondary institutions: trade schools, medical/health training schools, etc,. and these auditor's reports end up in the hands of the U.S. Department of Education. So they're kind of important. If the school doesn't get a favorable opinion from us, they could potentially lose their funding from the Fed and that would pretty much be the end of them. As far as I know though, our firm rarely if ever has to issue anything but an unqualified opinion.

We have a template that we use and we just plug in the final numbers. The footnotes to the financials need to be modified for each client, but we just roll that forward from the previous years financials and make any applicable changes. It's not too difficult, but like I said, in general, staff auditors would never ever get to do this at larger firms. Kinda nice. More pressure, but worth it in the end.

Anyways, my draft made it through two Partner reviews and is about to be issued next week.

After I've done this a few more times, I'm sure I'll be over it and wish I could go back to no responsibility.

Gimme a Brake!

In efforts to save myself some buck$, I had my boss/friend Ryan do my brakes last night. I sort of half-asked if he knew anyone who could help me out, and as a matter of fact, he could. From that point on, I sort of didn't want to bug him about it, but a couple of days later, he asked when we were going to do them, so I figured he was wanting to do it - not offering out of kindness.

What he thought would take only a couple of hours ended up taking closer to five. Just what everyone wants to do on a Monday night. The objective of the evening was to get my rotors turned and install new brake pads. Easy enough. Well, since Mable is in her golden years, some of her nuts and bolts are a little hard to jimmy loose. I bet Ryan literally spent 30 some minutes trying to get one of those suckers off. He attached a long metal pole to his wrench to get some leverage, and the wrench snapped and broke. Craftsman!

Just before giving up and calling it a night, he managed to get that thing loose. Blah, blah, blah....we got the rotors turned at Pep Boys, saw the loser service supervisor turn down replacing a granny's battery ("sorry, my car needs a battery, too. that's how busy we are" he says. boo.), went to Bill's Burgers for some burgers, blah blah and everything turned out fine.

There was more than a few times where I wished I had just gone to the mechanic, but after spending only $55 to have some good as new brakes, it was worth it. Best part is, it sounds like we're going to replace the front calipers next, then tackle the rears. I consider myself lucky. I'm going to save close to $1,000 when all is said and done.

Somehow I didn't think I needed a change of clothes after work; somehow I managed to help out and not get one smudge on my khakis. High five!

I Fought the Law (Still Am!)

Growing up male, middle-class, and white, I do have it pretty easy (studies show). I guess I can admit that that's true. However, I can't help but think that I still am being kept down by The Man in some ways just like everyone else. So when I have the opportunity to fight back, I take it.

Chew on this: I have two reasons for the CHiPs to pull me over. And for those of you who don't know who the CHiPs are, it's a television show from a long time ago, but also the California Highway Patrol. Anyways, these guys are all over the place on their bikes. Motor bikes. Now, back to my reasons.

I was pulled over last fall for some ridiculous reason. I was heading East when a police office heading West passed me, made a u-turn and pulled up behind me at a red light. We proceeded through 2-3 more intersections and traveled about 2 miles when he finally decides to turn on his cherries and stop me. His reason? My middle brake light is out.

But before we get to that conclusion, he asks me whose car I'm driving, what I'm doing in California (I have MN plates) if I've ever been arrested, and if I've ever been in jail. Not sure how any of that was relevant, but I like to humor these guys. When he realizes he's got nothing on me, he just tells me to fix my light. Okay, sure.

As time passes and I can't find the bulb I need, I decide I'm going to defy The Man and not get it fixed. No siree. I want to see if this particular cop was just being a turd cause he had nothing better to do, or if they actually do waste their time pulling people over for stupid stuff like that.

So check this out. I'm in downtown Los Angeles at a late hour in a desolate area driving an old(er) car with out of state plates and a cop pulls up behind me at a red light. The light turns green. We come to the next red light and sit there again. He has plenty of time to think about busting me for my brake light. My supposed lack of safety is staring at him straight in the face. Well, as we get going again, he turns on his lights and whizzes past me. As I finally catch up with him, he's stopped at some shady bar to back-up his fellow man on the force who's got a guy on the ground at gun point.

Since then, I've had numerous police peoples sitting right behind me at stoplights or just following behind me. Every time I brake with my lack of the middle brake light, I get nervous. But guess what? Nothing. No one has pulled me over. I bet it's been 6-8 times I've been followed with no resulting consequences.

My conclusion: the guy that pulled me over was being a tool.

Reason two to pull me over: My registration tags on my license plates expired in December. The rear one isn't even visible. Sure, I have the most current registration tags. My car is registered. I just haven't bothered to display them yet. I'm actually pretty surprised nothing has resulted from it; I would think that I draw extra attention being one of the few without California plates on.

So there you have it. My way of silent protest. I may not tag walls with graffiti, do illegal drugs, or even eat grapes at the supermarket without paying for them, but I am a bad___. I am sticking it to The Man. It may be only a matter of time before I suffer the consequences, or is it? I've already gone many months. In fact, a cop was tailing me for 6 blocks on the way home from work tonight. Nothing.

Some may say at this point, "knock on wood," but I don't believe in those old cliches.

Hopefully I have no updates to this story for a long time. Godspeed be unto me.

If you'd like to support my quest of fighting The Man, click on the Google Ad in the left pane. It may earn me $0.01.

Larry Norman (1947-2008)

It saddens me to report that a week ago today, Larry Norman, the Father of Christian Rock, passed away of heart failure.

Many/most of you have probably never heard of Larry Norman. He started his career back in the 1960s in San Francisco, California as part of the "Jesus Movement" while signed to Capitol Records and later MGM.

"[In] 1971, TIME magazine was reporting on the growth of the Jesus Movement, and while Larry Norman took some steps to distance himself from it, he had become the most popular musician among its followers. TIME Magazine reported that Eric Clapton had become a 'convert of the Jesus Movement,' and a 1971 cover article also named members of Peter, Paul, and Mary and Fleetwood Mac within its sphere of influence. Johnny Cash was also named."

Larry was also a huge influence in helping musicians break their drug habits. He started a Bible study called "The Vineyard" in the 1970s that was attended by actors and musicians. Most notably: Bob Dylan.

By the end of the '70s, Larry left the major labels and pursued a career as an independent artist. Throughout his career, his work has appeared on over 90 albums. Van Morrison as well as John Mellencamp have claimed to be fans of Larry and over 300 artists have covered his songs, including Sammy Davis, Jr.

Larry's had problems with his heart for decades. Surgery after surgery have been performed, although it was usually just a struggle to even get into the operating room. Costly operations are difficult to pay for when you're an independent musician with no health insurance. Larry had to rely primarily on the financial support of his fans to cover his medical expenses.

I was introduced to Larry Norman's music back in 1995 or so. My sister Krysti was dating my now brother-in-law Marc, who was also my youth pastor at the time. Marc had been a fan of Larry's music for years and was quite eager to share that fanaticism with a new generation (me).



In May of 1996, Marc and I journeyed to Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, just outside of Toronto, to see Larry. It was my first time, Marc's too, if I recall. We drove over 13 hours overnight to get there. We arrived at the venue about 4 hours before the show and were pretty much the only attendees around. The promotor heard how far we'd traveled, and reserved two seats front and center just for us. It was a pretty amazing experience considering the history and influence of Larry's message and his music. It was also a reminder of how fragile his health was, even then. Forty-eight at the time, he already had had major heart surgery more than once. He had to stop the concert halfway through due to a bout of coughing and to go take some heart meds. After thirty or so minutes, though, he came back out and finished his set.



Marc and I had the opportunity to meet him afterwards. I don't remember much about it, being 15ish at the time, but I do remember that Larry was very low-key and happy just to be able to talk to his fans about what's going on in their lives, his music, or anything really. It was quite an experience. Something I'll never forget.



I'm not sure the timeline, but maybe a year later, Larry was performing in Iowa somewhere. Marc and I badly wanted to see him again, and knowing how (un)healthy he was, knew we'd better take the chance when we had it. This time we brought along my sister, Marc's wife, so she could experience the magic. She wasn't the hugest fan of Larry's before she saw him live; most people aren't. He doesn't have the most radio-friendly voice or anything. But after she saw him in person, she came to appreciate the artist that Larry truly is: goofy at times, but at his core, a genuine human being who had the gift of influencing people with his message and music.





When I was in high school, I had the opportunity to pick a song to present to my english class. We were looking at music and the meaning behind the words in the songs. I chose Larry Norman's "America." It was the perfect chance to present Larry to people who likely hadn't heard of him before. I'm not sure if I converted any fans, but it was pretty cool for me.

In the ten years since I've seen Larry live, he's had a stroke and other ailments, disallowing him to even play the guitar for a couple years earlier this decade. I've often wanted to see him one last time, as I'm older and more in tune with myself and the world. Seeing him perform was very limited in occurrence and distant in location; it just never really worked out. I'm very thankful and blessed that I was able to see him when I did.

Larry, thank you for the gift of your music, for the blessing of your message, and the convictions of your heart. You will be missed, but never forgotten.

Now that I've been a little lax in tracking down your albums, I suppose that those vinyl records going for $400 awhile back on eBay will be even harder to track down.

Here's a classic video of Larry, likely from the '80s:



At the time of his death, Norman had been working on a new project with Modest Mouse's Isaac Brock and Pixies frontman Frank Black, who cites Norman as a major influence. That music will be released later this year (Reuters).

Source: Wikipedia

Lunch Money

Last year when our firm was auditing our client in Alabama, they had lunch catered in every day. When we were back there for preliminary work in December, there was no catering. There was a change in management from the year before, so we can chalk it up to that. However, yesterday, when we were finishing up our year end work, I mentioned to one of the VP's of something that we weren't sure if we were going to have time for lunch because we had quite a bit to do before leaving for our late afternoon flight.

Without hesitation, she says that she'd get us a menu to a local deli and order it for us and have one of the girls go pick it up. So ok, I'm thinking "Yes! They're buying lunch for us!" Well, then Don is all, "are you supposed to give her your credit card...?" And I'm all, "no, man, she said she'd order it for us."

The more I got to thinking, I thought maybe that didn't necessarily mean she was paying for it. Well, when I went back to this VP's office with our order, I offered her my credit card fully expecting her to decline it. We didn't even do the whole "no, that's okay, I got it" "ohhh, are you sure?" exchange. Nope. She took my credit card and $20 later, I bought the audit team's lunch.

What the heck?

Stuff White People Like; Mable; Foo Fighters

I'm going to combine a few totally unrelated items into one blog. I can do that, right? Of course I can.

Let's start with this great new blog I found called Stuff White People Like. It's basically a social commentary on...well, the title says it all. Here's an excerpt from #71 Being the Only White Person Around:

Many white people will look into the window of an ethnic restaurant to see if there are other white people in there. It is determined to be an acceptable restaurant if the white people in there are accompanied by ethnic friends. But if there is a table occupied entirely by white people, it is deemed unacceptable.

How true is that?

Moving on...

Mable is fast approaching 300,000 miles. Logically, her end is near, but realistically, she's running as good as she did years ago. I'm going in for a tuneup in a week and fully expect everything to check out fine. Thing is, I need to hedge the risk and prepare myself for the day she moves on to rustier pastures. I've briefly entertained the thought of buying the exact same car. I searched cars.com and the closest 1995 Grand Prixses (?) for sale is 548 miles away. That's pretty amazing considering the population in Southern California. Kind of sad, too. 131,000 miles for $2400. Not bad?

Sure, I want a newer better car as much as the next person. But I'm trying to make the most financially sound choice. No, I probably wouldn't drive 548 miles to pick up an old car with who knows how much life left in it. It would be pretty adventurous though.

Let's say that I get a newer car, though. The average car payment is what? $300? So if I spend $2400 on a used 1995 Grand Prix, it's only got to last me eight months to make it worth it. Anything longer than that is cake. That may be a pretty big risk, though. I have to assume those other Prixs haven't been taken as good of care of as mine.

The more likely plan is to put $5000 down on a $10,000 car. Likely a Toyota. Even likelier a Toyota Yaris. Yes, it's the cheapest car they make, yes I could probably afford better, but I really don't want to. I want to have that thing paid off in 6 months. Plus, it's a Toyota; it will last me a long time. I intend on it being the last economy car I buy.

Sorry folks. I don't want a car payment. I had two new cars before I was 21. I'm so over that.

Finally...

I got an email from the pastor of my church today talking about the weekend services and what not. He mentioned how one of our worship team drummers, Drew Hester won a Grammy a couple of weeks ago. So I'm thinking, that is pretty awesome. Then he goes onto say that Drew ALSO is the drummer for the FOO FIGHTERS who won a Grammy for Rock Album of the Year. So, apparently the drummer at the church I go to has been moonlighting with the Foo Fighters this whole time and won two Grammys and I had no idea. Okay, if you know me and you know the Foo Fighters, that is pretty stinkin' cool. I just watched them on Letterman the other night, so B.A.

I'm leaving for Birmingham, Alabama tomorrow where I'll be working until Friday. I hope to blog at least once while I'm there, but if not, I hope this ties/tides you over. You choose.

Thai One On Me

My buddy/co-worker Don and I were eating lunch today at Thai Basil, a Thai restaurant, duh, when there was just curry left in the bowl of chicken and curry. I said to him, "what will you give me if I drink the rest of that?" Cause you see, I'm classy like that.

He said... "You finish that, I'll pay for your lunch, and for FroYo sometime this week."

He didn't really say "FroYo," I'm saying that in hopes that it will catch on. FroYo = frozen yogurt.

I debated it for a few minutes. Took a couple sips of the curry. Not too spicy. But this will tear me up, right? Not tear like cry (well maybe that, too) but tear as in rip my stomach apart.

But I'm going to save $9 on lunch and $4 on FroYo! So I did it. I drank the rest of the curry. He was all excited in anticipation of my afternoon in the bathroom.

Lunch = free.

Then he challenges me to finish the rest of the rice and the pad thai. That would equal free FroYo or Jamba Juice every day the rest of the week. Well, I couldn't do it. I had to draw the line somewhere, right?

So I was anticipating an interesting afternoon, but my stomach totally stepped up to the plate and took that curry like a (Thai)man! I felt fine all afternoon. I felt bad that I didn't feel bad. I feel like Don didn't get his money's worth. Well, I sure did. Free lunch. You can't beat that.

I'm a winner.

Lazy Sunday

Well I don't want the title of this blog to lead you to think of the SNL Digital Short, because you will be disappointed. It really is a lazy Sunday.

I went into the office to prepare for this week. I went in for a tune-up on my car and got brushed off until next weekend. I did some laundry. I cleaned my bathroom. And...yeah not much else.

I plan on watching the tube the rest of the day. Now that I have a DVR like the rest of the country, I need to make sure it doesn't get too full. It's usually not a problem, but when I'm gone for a week at a time and only home on the weekend, stuff piles up. Priorities, people!

I better enjoy it while I can. I'm buying my CPA review course this week and it should be here by the weekend. That means less TV time for yours truly. Boo-hoo, waaah-waaah. Right?

It will be worth it in the end, of course. And I like the fact that I'm forced into no social life right now because I'm 100% focused on paying my credit card debt off. It's going well.

Also, what's this thing Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul are always doing on American Idol? When a contestant is waiting for the judges "yea" or "nay" it's always one of them, or both, who say "1000% yes!" then the next person has to top that, usually Paula, who says "one-million-trillion% yes!" Ohhhh that bugs me so much. I'm pretty sure you can't be more than 100% certain of something. No. 110%-150% is acceptable, because it's unavoidable in everyday conversation, but not 1000% or one million thousand percent. Bah.

Good Eats in San Francisco

I’m sitting in my hotel room in San Francisco writing this. The internet is $4.95 per day, so I’ll have to type this in Word for now, and just post it later.

I haven’t been here since September, and let me say, I’ve missed it and I didn’t even know it. Like New York City, but in a completely different way, there’s just something about it. Maybe it’s just the whole urban living type thing. The smell of urine, people begging for money, public transportation…you just can’t beat it.

But seriously, it’s just a blast to be staying in a nice hotel that I’m not paying for and to be able to step outside the front door and be within blocks of things to do. And now that I’ve been here before, we hop on the subway from the airport and don’t have to think twice about what we’re doing or where we’re going.

Tonight I went back to the best food court I’ve been to in my life. It’s just a higher class food court or something. No fast food joints, but Italian, Mexican, seafood, Japanese, Korean BBQ, Gourmet Thai, burgers, gelato, a cream puff place called the Beard Papa or something. Yes, Beard.…Amaaazing! I was walking down the street eating this thing out of the bag sort of, trying to make sure a bum didn’t see me porking in front of him/her, and the cream was dripping all over my hands and on my face. Good thing it was dark, although I’m not sure that mattered. It was so good, though.

So while we had some down time before dinner, I decided to hit up a couple of these spots beforehand so I made sure to get them in. Last time I was here I didn’t get any gelato, so yeah, I went. I had my dessert before my dinner and I loved it. Then I had a chocolate covered éclair with vanilla cream in the middle. Holy cow. Mmm.

I’m wondering if I’ll run into the homeless guy who rapped for me last time. We talked for 20-30 minutes and he told me he could rap about any topic, so I challenged him, and he did, and it wasn’t half bad. He had a pretty good story and everything, he was a newly homeless guy; his clothes were still clean and he didn’t smell or look scruffy or anything. Heck, he may have been hustling me, but anyways… I had some extra per diem left over for the week, so I gave him a little more than most people probably do. Point is…if he runs into me this week he’ll probably remember me as the sucker who bought into his crap and will try and hit me up again.

Either that or his story was true and the temp job worked out into a permanent job and he turned things around, thanks in part to my contribution. I’d like to think so.

In other news, when I was in the bathroom stall in between the gelato and the éclair, this guy comes into the stall next to me and is talking on his cell phone. He proceeds to give the person on the other line his cell phone number, so I’m sitting there (sorry if this is TMI), with my cell out already, playing pinball, and so I punch in his number. I hit dial. He says to the person he’s talking to, “hold on, I have another call…Hello? (Silence) HELLO??...Hey, sorry man, they hung up on me..” and I’m there trying not to laugh.

I didn’t really do that. I entered the number into my phone, but couldn’t go through with it. Maybe next time.

Neighborhood Band

It seems I live in the neighborhood of not one, but two garage bands. Well, the kid up the street I just hear playing his drums. The kid(s) down the street, though, have a guitar and bass in the mix. I'm kind of surprised the neighbors put up with it, but they do. I'm all for these kids pursuing their dreams, but you have to admit, most garage bands stink.

However, this afternoon, I was watching the teevee and I overheard the lick from Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit," and it didn't suck. Maybe that's not saying much, and I was on the other end of the block, so distance may have distorted my perception.

That's all I have to say about that.

Is anyone watching Breaking Bad on AMC? It's about this chemistry teacher who learns he is dying of lung cancer so he decides to team up with a former student and cook crystal meth in an RV. It's pretty interesting/entertaining/funny. I didn't think I'd really like it at first. I mean, the lead is the dad from Malcolm in the Middle for Pete's sake. (Yeah, Pete.) If I would have known that I may not have even bothered watching it. Thank goodness he's nothing at all like that character. He's good.

I'm off to San Francisco for the week. I leave the house at 5:15AM tomorrow morning and should be back Friday night early evening. It should be kinda fun. I'm going to the same place and with the same team as back in September. I'm looking forward to ordering "The Chairman" at Specialties Deli and getting a blonde lager from 21st Amendment Bar & Grill. I'm not looking forward to missing out on the awesome weather SoCal is having right now. Sure, it's still warm(er) in San Fran than it is in MN, but it's still gonna be jacket weather in the morning. Boo.

I'm starting to wonder, too, who I'm writing this blog for. Some topics I'd like to blog about I just don't because I figure my constituents won't care about. And I don't want people skipping posts because they're uninteresting. If there are too many of them, I might lose readers. At the same time, I kind of want to talk about other things from time to time. Like the aforementioned Breaking Bad. Maybe the key is to marry it with other topics and not spend too much time on it. And, why do you care about how and what I decide to blog about? You don't.

Winter in California

I don't meant to complain or anything, but it's kind of hot out today. Yeah; 80. I looked at the temperature back home in MN, and it said 0. That's kind of a large difference. I'm trying to relate that difference to other things to put it in to perspective. That's eighty times warmer than zero. But 80 x 0 = 0, so I'm not sure how that works.

On days like today, I feel kind of bad for sitting inside all day. But then I think, too, that if I felt bad every time it was nice outside, I'd be outside 350 days of the year or be pretty depressed, so then I just open the window and don't feel so bad.

I did go to the bank and pick up my dry-cleaning though, so that was nice.

I also took a couple pictures of the view from my new abode:


This is from my bedroom.


This is from the backyard. The house sits on a little cliff type hill, so it's kinda cool. That's Saddleback Mountain in the distance. The same one you could see from my last place, just farther away.